In Abundance of Heart

Its certainly no revelation in reporting that there are a plethora of self help books on the market advocating appreciation and gratitude.  You can’t walk into a book store or surf the online modalities such as Amazon without seeing something that is designed to help us be more grateful for all that we have.  In fact I’ve even written a blog or two myself on the subject.

But, over the past year as my life has taken some dips and turns from various directions including health and loss of loved ones I’ve been overcome at times with feelings welling up in my heart as I contemplate the most simple, yet precious things that really do exist in my life. In other words, really stopping to think about how much of a treasure something is.

In the last four and a half years between my husband and myself we have lost three parents. And we certainly have had our share of financial struggles.  I also suffered a very serious health collapse; one which pretty much benched me for about four months.  It was very difficult and at times I thought I would never see any improvement.  Yet through even the most difficult of days and yes, even nights where I could barely see through my tears, I couldn’t help but think how lucky I was that I at least had my supportive and very loving husband.  Not to mention the dear, true friends who stuck by me, never expecting me to do more than I could manage.  When I’d start really feeling frustrated and sorry for myself I would find myself trying to see at least some glimmer of positive.  So, I’d stop and think, “well at least I’m not alone through this.”  Because I couldn’t be out in the hot summer heat or go to the beach and run through the water, I’d relish just being able to get into an air-conditioned car a few times a week and maybe riding to the store with my husband.  At least we were together. And it helped me because I knew how hard it was on him to see me like this and he appreciated our being together as well. A wink, a smile or his hand touching mine, these were all prized possessions and could never have a monetary value placed on them.  But worth more than gold itself.

Because I know what loss is in terms of loved ones and health there is always that fear that something else will be taken from me.  My husband and I have always had a wonderful, close and loving relationship.  He truly is my best friend, the joy of my soul and the laughter in my heart.  So, when you are best friends with someone you don’t really have to be doing anything.  Sometimes it’s just the “being” that brings the most contentment.  I have a number of women friends who have lost their mates and it tears my heart out when I think about them and how they must feel, not just initially and in the weeks and months after, but right now in the moment of today.  Oh yes, of course they’ve healed some and have been able to create a new life for themselves, but it’s always devoid of their soulmate.  How tragic!  But how much more tragic for those of us who still have closeness with someone if we are to take it for granted.  Not for a day, not for a minute, not for a nano second…because in a flash it can all be gone.

On Sunday, July 23, 2017 we will celebrate 34 years of marriage together.  In one sense it feels as though we were newlyweds just yesterday and in another sense it’s like we’ve been together for eons of time.  Two souls, one heart as the saying goes.  I no longer let a morning or an afternoon pass without thinking how anxious I will be to see him when he comes home; how much I look forward to our espresso lattes each day together as I fire up the espresso maker when I hear his wheels drive in. The day, months and years pass all too quickly and so I want to treasure each blessing I have.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the negative about all the things that are wrong in our life and never giving thought to all the things that are right.

To my abundant life!

RK